The Painting

By Karissa Schlaht

It hasn't fully sunk in yet that I'm going to be an author!  As you are reading this, I am in the process of writing a book that my heart needs me to write. I can practically hear your question… "But how do I know what book my heart wants me to write?"

Close your eyes and you will find three guides that are always within you: your intuition, your values and your nervous system. Feel their truth and it will make the way forward clear.

A few years ago, I began to search for answers to the question, “What do I want?". I practiced closing my eyes each morning to follow my intuition deep down inside of my body. It was here that I discovered the parts of who I am - my whimsical soul-self, innocent child-self, rebellious teenage-self, sensitive feminine-self, fiery justice warrior-self, and wise future-self, all sitting together around a bonfire in a circular formation. Can you feel the summer evening bonfire-with-roasted-marshmallow vibes?

Each morning before getting out of bed or scrolling mindlessly on my phone, I shut my eyes to check in on each of these parts, gently approaching them with the same question: "What do you want to do today?"  It started small. The responses were, "I want tacos! I want to go for a walk in nature! I want to wear something colourful and beautiful today!" Eventually the responses grew louder, bolder. "I want to find another job! I want to move to the city! I want to write a book!"

It was also inside of myself that I rediscovered six-year-old me. Wispy hair in pigtails and green eyes sparkling, each morning she would smile at my question, and, without looking up, continue painting on a canvas. After many months of persistent painting, I started to worry that something was wrong. I tried asking her other questions, like, “Are you sure you don’t want to do something different today? Something fun? Something spontaneous?” She would grin, shake her head and continue painting. An entire year went by and there she was - still painting.

I was getting myself ready on a regular week-day morning in the master bathroom of our new home in Edmonton, when my eyes instinctively closed. I went inside to check on her. As I approached, she stopped painting, put down the brush and looked up at me, a proud smile beaming across her face from rosy cheek to rosy cheek.

Then she turned the canvas around.

She had painted the landscape of Edmonton in vibrant colours. What she showed me was a painting of the truest, most beautiful life she could imagine. All along, she had been trying to remind me; yearning to tell me about her childhood dreams of living in a city.

I found the painting pictured here at a local art gallery in the Bonnie Doon Mall, which is almost an exact replica of the one she showed me. Today, this canvas hangs on the wall of my office at ATB Place.

In my experience, writing starts by listening to your body to understand what exactly needs to be said. Have you paused lately to listen to your own intuition? Or have you been making a pros and cons list in your mind to try and figure it out? Ask your mind to be quiet, just for just a moment. Place the palms of your hands over your heart and ask yourself the question: What do I want? 

Your desires were put in your heart for a reason. Follow them.